Raising Leaders: Teaching Children to Be Proactive, Not Reactive

Character Building Blog Series – Entry #4

The other day, one of our teachers asked a student to grab a book and start reading.

The child’s response? A sharp and direct: “No. I don’t want to. I’m not reading a book.”

Now, in that moment, a few things could’ve happened. The teacher could’ve raised her voice. She could’ve scolded the child, demanded compliance, or sent them out of the room. But instead, she took a deep breath, looked the student in the eye, and gently asked, “Can you tell me what’s going on today?”

It turns out, that student had just had a rough morning at home—no breakfast, a fight with a sibling, and a rushed, stressful car ride. The refusal wasn’t really about the book. It was about emotion, overload, and feeling like they had no control.

What that moment taught us again is this: how we respond matters more than what’s happening in front of us.

“You’re not a product of your circumstances. You’re a product of your decisions.” — Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Habit 1: Be Proactive® – The Power of Choice

At PTKC, we teach children from a young age that while they can’t control everything that happens to them, they can control how they respond. This is the foundation of Habit 1: Be Proactive® from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Being proactive means:

• Taking responsibility for your actions

• Managing emotions with intention

• Using respectful words and tone

• Learning to pause before reacting

We’re not just here to teach academics—we’re here to help students become disciplined, respectful, emotionally aware young people who understand the power of their choices.

Emotional Regulation & Respect Go Hand-in-Hand

When a child refuses to read or lashes out, we don’t just see “disrespect.” We look for the root.

Often, it’s a child who hasn’t yet learned how to:

• Express frustration without being defiant

• Ask for help without shutting down

• Accept correction without feeling attacked

That’s why we model emotional regulation at every level—from the way we speak to students to the calm-down tools we offer when they feel overwhelmed.

Respect is not just about obedience. It’s about creating an environment where students feel seen, safe, and supported enough to grow through difficult moments.

How You Can Support Habit 1 at Home

Here are some ways to help your child become more proactive and emotionally regulated at home:

Practice "Pause and Breathe"

Teach your child that it’s okay to feel big emotions—but it’s what they do next that matters. Counting to 5, breathing slowly, or walking away before responding helps reset the brain.

Use “I” Statements

Encourage proactive language like:

• “I feel frustrated because...”

• “I need help with...”

• “I can choose to try again.”

Reinforce Respect

Praise respectful behavior and gently correct disrespectful language or tone. Remind your child that discipline begins with self-control, not just punishment.

Give Choices

Instead of commands, offer small choices when possible:

• “Would you like to read here or on the bean bag?”

• “Would you like to do your homework now or after a snack?” Giving choice helps children practice decision-making and builds ownership.

Raising Self-Controlled, Purpose-Driven Children

Children are not born knowing how to manage big emotions, show respect in hard moments, or take ownership of their actions. These are skills—and just like reading or math, they must be taught, modeled, and practiced daily.

At PTKC, we are planting seeds of self-control, responsibility, and leadership. By teaching our students to be proactive, we empower them to lead themselves first—before they ever lead others.

And just like that teacher who stayed calm in the face of defiance, we choose to lead with grace, consistency, and purpose—because we’re raising more than students.

We’re raising world-changers!